─ practice booths 'chrysanthemum'

Jake sat over the practice room floor, legs crossed at the ankles and elbows resting over his knees as he glanced down at the lyric sheets he'd printed out as options for the showcase. He'd laid the three songs out in front of him and was currently just scanning the papers back and front as if that would be enough to give an answer on which to go for. Solo was overall a simple song but it contained a little bit of rap and he partly wanted to show that he was versatile, but thinking back to it, maybe now wasn't the right time to try out new things, maybe he should just stick to something he was more confident in. He pushed Solo aside, instead focusing on the second sheet, I'm The One. This one, while still being a cover, had a little mix he had worked on himself. It was nothing huge or overly complicated but, personally, he was quite happy with the result. Yet, again, this could fall under the category of 'maybe not the best time to be experimenting' and so, he pushed another sheet aside. Maybe he could record it later to post on social media, or even as a cover on the official company page if he got permission. Who knows.
As his eyes fall no the last piece, he leans back, stretching his arms behind him and using his palms for support. The other two were a little more upbeat, Eyes Nose Lips on the other hand was softer and more soulful. It was also certainly the best choice to showcase vocal talent despite not being entirely his usual style. He gave it a once over and considered his options, weighing this one versus the previously discarded two. If he were honest, he was typically a simple guy, and maybe less truly was more, so if the point really was to focus on what you want to show off, he'd do just that. Pushing himself back up and picking up the final sheet on the way, he finally walks up to the small stereo at one end of the room, plugging his phone into the device and tapping into youtube. It took him a little over a minute to find an instrumental he was content with, but once he did he downloaded it into his phone. He increased the volume and cleared his throat as the short piano intro played getting ready to go over the song for the next couple of hours.

__________________that's a wrap folks__________________

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@♊︎ felix lee ᴸᴵˣ @☼ jeon jungkook ʳᵒᵐᵉᵒ It was the consequences of his own actions. Hyunjin had no one but himself to blame as not only Jungkook, but Felix walked out of the practice booth, without a single look back. The room vibrated with leftover tension yet Hyunjin felt empty. He had enough emptiness inside of him to fill up the entire studio twice over. As he looked around the tight space, with his trembling hands hanging awkwardly out in front of him, he felt that familiar numbness spread from his chest. Icy tendrils clawed from his heart, up his throat - where he hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath - and down to the tips of his toes.

The shut door was like ten feet of dirt on top a grave he'd dug for himself.

Hyunjin inhaled sharply, the breath burning, and tears splotched the front of his shirt. He touched his face incredulously, not knowing when he began crying. His wet fingertips mocked him. They were painfully devoid of Jungkook's hands; those strong hands that Hyunjin that he'd held moments before. Hyunjin was a coward. At the end of the day, that's all he was. His father had been right. No matter how far he ran, no matter how hard he tried, he was worth nothing. He deserved nothing.

Still, Hyunjin seized at his chest as harsh sobs racked his body. Stars blurred behind his eyes the faster he gasped, and before he knew it, he was on his knees. He'd had everything. He'd had all he ever wanted and more, and he'd lost it. Again. He was so stupid. Stupid. STUPID! His forehead bonked rhythmically against the wall with every insult he internally assaulted himself with, clutching his elbows tightly at his sides. His cries only softened when he overheard a pair of voices out in the hallway. Hyunjin stuffed a stuffed his fist in his mouth to stifle the noises he made.

He stayed quiet, with half a hope that it was Jungkook and Felix - he didn't care if what they said was harsh, as long as they came back. As long as Jungkook came back - but the voices were unfamiliar, and lilted away as quickly as they arrived. Laughter trailed behind them and hit Hyunjin like a piercing knife.

He was a fool. A pitiful, pathetic fool.

@☼ jeon jungkook ʳᵒᵐᵉᵒ @☼ hwang hyunjin .
Much like in other stressful situations, Felix felt like he was out of his body, like he was hovering 2 feet above his head, in a mini variant of himself, observing very curiously.
Back in reality land his mouth was agape. Jaw on the floor. He was looking between the two men, his brain slowly piecing together context cues. It wasn't until Hyunjin's exclamation, that it finally dawned on him.
"But..." he started wanting to have a pitch in, but the next statement really sent his heart down into his soles. They were together. *Together* together. They are now, they were back then. Felix was a rebound. The love of his life... this was so much deeper than Felix could even comprehend... he felt out of place.

He felt *especially* out of place, when Hyunjin started professing how they had done nothing, and how it had stopped, but in his head... in his heart... it hadn't "stopped"? Hyunjin has just not shown up, but there was never any explicit... end?
Well, there certainly was one now.
Hyunjin had made sure of that. Made sure Felix truly felt like a good nothing. 'I love you. I only want you.' but you wanted me... you wanted me behind the curb, you wanted me on your knees, you wanted me with your hands down my pants... Guess Felix was nothing but a jerk-off sock then.

'You hid me from him'
And suddenly Felix was acknowledged and he wasn't hovering 2 feet above his head anymore, his astral projection crashing down into its physical realm in order to turn his big round eyes to Jungkook as if begging forgiveness. Why was he even begging, it wasn't his fault?? Was it? Was he some kind of minx?? Going around seducing men? He never saw himself this way... He inhaled a tight gulp of air to try and speak up, but the older man was faster, storming out, and leaving Felix, Hyunjin and the deafening silence.

"We met... at Arena. A photoshoot for Arena" his own voice felt so distant, echoing off the walls, bouncing back into his ear drums. It was so stupid. All of this happening, and THIS is the only thing he could muster to tell Hyunjin? "Not... not at the club... We met before..." was he really that sad that Hyunjin didn't even remember him from the modeling gigs? Or was it actually the realization that Hyunjin didn't even put a face to the easy he found at the club.

Or if he did - it definitely wasn't Felix's.

His dignity was still heavy when he gathered it off the floor, slowly following Jungkook's path out of the room.

@♊︎ felix lee ᴸᴵˣ @☼ hwang hyunjin .
Jungkook stayed silent , absolutely quiet while Hyunjin went on about his explaination but it was a really hard listen. Jungkook knew it had been in result of him leaving and the fact it happened tears him to pieces inside but none worse than the fact Hyunjin didn't even think to tell his side fling he was taken again. Jungkook had been back for well over half a year now and Hyunjin didn't tell him any of this. Would he have even told Felix or him the truth had he not been caught? Hyunjin didn't lie but Jungkook can't shake the feeling of betrayal.

Hyunjin steps fowards , hands reaching out for his and Jungkook just.. couldn't. he moves his hands, snatching them out of Hyunjins grasp with glossy eyes, hurt reflecting in his brown irirses.

"I left for three months, I was a for it. But I never once thought of touching someone else. And if I did.. I would've told you," jungkooks volume rose a tenfold , his voice resonating off the practice room walls, "You hid this from me! You hid me from him," he jabs a finger in Felix's direction. How am I supposed to trust this is all you're telling me? It took you this ing long and it wasn't even your choice! How could you do this? You may be a lot of things to a lot of people but I /never/ would've guessed this." The room became eerily silent and Jungkook felt like his lungs couldn't get enough air. it was all too suffocating.

"I need to go, I have nothing else I want to hear or say." He gathers his things quickly, drowning out any voice of reason Hyunjin may have and makes his exit. Maybe it wasn't smart to leave them in a room together alone, the thought almost has his whirling back around but his legs just keep walking. it.

@♊︎ felix lee ᴸᴵˣ @☼ jeon jungkook ʳᵒᵐᵉᵒ Hyunjin's fingers carded painfully through his hair, ripping out strands from the building anxiety that came with Jungkook's sudden outburst. He shouldn't have expected anything different. Jungkook, much like himself, was not one to quash his emotions when they came time to explode. It was probably why Hyunjin was surprising even himself from the internal belittling he was doing to himself. If he shoved his own anguish deep down, then it wouldn't need to come up.

"We didn't ! -" Hyunjin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Don't blame, Lix, he doesn't even know we're together now. Well, now he does." He shrank away from the next outburst that was sure to come from his boyfriend (would he even be able to call Jungkook that by the end of the conversation?). "You were gone. You left. Without a ing word, and I was ed up." That was the understatement of the century, but he pressed on, despite the air choking itself from its lungs. He shot a look between Felix and Jungkook again, forcing his tears back until his eyes stung and the two men blurred in his vision.

When he spoke next, his voice trembled on every other word.

"I started drinking again when you left... I was trying to... To feel anything other than crushing sadness that the love of my goddamn life had ing up and left." Hyunjin forced himself to lower his voice with a reminder to himself that he had no right to be angry right now. This was his fault. His fault. His fault. His fault.

"I met Lix in a club... And whenever I got drunk enough we'd... Y'know, kiss and stuff. But nothing happened more than that! Nothing!"

Hyunjin stalked towards Jungkook, grabbing his hands desperately. "We didn't do anything more than that and I stopped it the second you came back. I love you. I only want you."

@♊︎ felix lee ᴸᴵˣ @☼ hwang hyunjin .

Hyunjin looked like a deer in headlights, like he had been caught red handed doing something he shouldn’t be while felix looked shocked but no trace of guilt within his features. Hyunjin was stuttering out his words, fumbling over his tongue and jungkooks heart sank even further.
He did just as told though, he careless threw himself on the couch with his jaw clenched. His anger clawed at the surface wanting to desperately be uncaged , to tear this room apart but he desperately clutched the last bit of self restraint he had.

"Things happened while you were gone, Kook.”

And there it ing was, the exact thing jungkook didn’t wish to hear. the fear he had thought about over and over while he was away, confirmed.

He felt numb suddenly , he rubbed over the fabric of his pants again and again trying to calm himself. He truly doesn’t know if he can hear anything else.

“You…. you two… and you didn’t think to ing tell me? Are you kidding me?” He was no longer sitting, the teo seconds of self control out the window as he glowers between the two. “You let me do this track with the very guy you…. did yall ? I swear to ing god if you two ed and you kept this from me - “

@♊︎ felix lee ᴸᴵˣ @☼ jeon jungkook ʳᵒᵐᵉᵒ Was there a gentle way to break it to someone that they were a nice experience, but now that his one true love was back he no longer needed the stand-in to keep himself alive? Probably not.

Hyunjin's brain struggled to rationalize the situation to himself. Words failed him in the best moments, but especially then. He watched Felix's expression deflate from one of hesitant hope to one of utter confusion, and it took the last shred of Hyunjin's willpower to not run away from his problems like he usually did. He had behaved enough like his father (a fact his mother had reminded him of bitterly with the few words she could still express during his last visit to her).

Unfortunately for Hyunjin, he didn't even get a word in edge-wise before Jungkook blew through the door. "What the actual is going on?" he demanded.

Hyunjin startled a foot in the air, reminiscent of when his parents caught him fooling around when he was young. . . . . . . There was nowhere for him to pace, with the only exit blocked by Jungkook, and the other side of the narrow room occupied by Felix. His eyes jumped from his boyfriend to his fling, back and forth, back and forth, until he became so dizzy he thought he'd fall, while his heart hammered painfully in his chest.

When Hyunjin swallowed past the nausea burning up his throat, it felt like he had a mouthful of cotton.

"T-this isn't what it looks like," Hyunjin stuttered weakly. He leaned against the wall as his head spun more. "Both of you sit the f- down, I have to say... Something," he breathed nervously, resisting the urge to slide down the wall. It wouldn't make him disappear. It wouldn't make his secret any easier to explain. This was his fault. He was going to hurt people, like he always did - 'You're not good for all in this world, Sam, get that idea out of your head right the now', in the words of his father.

God, Hyunjin was even talking like him again. He thought he'd gotten through this, but the sicker his mom got, the longer Jungkook was gone, the more he fooled around with Felix, the harder the world got. When he sighed, it was as long and drawn out as his secret.

"Things happened while you were gone, Kook," Hyunjin said quietly, rubbing a hand over his blank face.

@♊︎ felix lee ᴸᴵˣ @☼ hwang hyunjin .

it took Jungkook all but two minutes to get rid of his problem that Hyunjin had caused; the two really were hornballs anymore- well they had always been but now it's even worse. he couldn't imagine the look of horror if Felix had caught them. He had seemed innocent enough that Jungkook would hate himself if he had tainted his pure eyes in such a manner.

Jungkook washes and dries his hands off before exiting the boys bathroom and excitedly makes his way back to the practice room. he doesn't like being away from his boyfriend for too long and what if Felix is already there ready to start?
his question was soon answered as he approached the practice room two voices becoming more clearer the closer he gets.

"We're at work,"
"I know, I know, it's unorthodox. Especially here, but I thought while Jungkook-hyu--..."

" I'm not interested in this anymore lets keep it professional yeah?" The was he not interested in anymore? Now, Jungkook was not one to eavesdrop on a conversation especially one concerning Hyunjin ; however, he had been acting strange at the mention of Felix and Jungkook needed to know why. if the two disliked each other why would Felix even offer? If it was one-sided beef then why does Hyunjin have a nickname such as 'Lixxie'? So many unanswered questions.

A deeper voice, Felix's, replies in English and for s sake Jungkook doesn't know English! all he knows is ' Can I get a dog with mustudard and sauerkraut please'. he presses his ear closer to the door as if it'll help him understand better.

"What, you're suddenly no longer interested in men, or...?"
That was certainly Korean and Jungkook did NOT like that at all. on adreline and impusle he doen't think twice of slamming the door open to reveal himself.

"What the actual is going on?" He looks wildly between the two who were standing a little too close for comfort after everything he just heard. His eyes wide with confused rage, he wasn't quite sure what he was mad at but he didn't like it. His stomach was tied in knots, he felt nauseous because he really hopes that whatever is going on, it isn't what his mind and gut are screaming at him.

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@☼ jeon jungkook ʳᵒᵐᵉᵒ @☼ hwang hyunjin "Right, I thought you probably got busy." there was tension on Hyunjin's face - and don't get it wrong, there usually was tension, the man had rarely ever been relaxed since Felix knew him, not during photoshoots, nor fashion events, and definitely not while... clubbing. There was always something as if pulling his skin taut and his jaw locked. Felix hadn't even begun unraveling that yet.
He thought he had time.
He thought wrong.

The taller man was... for lack of a better term - like a slinky eel, slipping between your fingers. But the rosiness to his cheeks was blooming so prettily, Felix just wanted to pluck. Humans really are so destructive when they crave.
But as his little hand went to touch the beautiful flower, suddenly he was... well, misplaced. He had but a moment to commiserate on the way Hyunjin's long fingers had enveloped his thin wrist easily, because soon he was standing 2 feet away from his original spot, and the brunet was all the way across the room. Definitely not where Felix left him during his last blink.
"Err..." his confused voice was even deeper than usual, blinking to get accustomed to his new bearings, then rotated his body as well. Maybe Hyunjin was just trying to be professional? "I know, I know, it's unorthodox. Especially here" he waved vaguely around the premise, already half a step along his new tangent "but I thought while Jungkook-hyu--..."

'I'm not interested in this anymore'.
Ah.

So *that* kind of professional then.
"This?" Felix repeated in English, slipping back into his native tongue to make sure he got it right "Or... this." he pointed at himself. Get real, Felix Lee, you know the answer. Great work at objectifying yourself even more than he already had objectified you. "What, you're suddenly no longer interested in men, or...?"

@♊︎ felix lee ᴸᴵˣ @☼ jeon jungkook ʳᵒᵐᵉᵒ Hyunjin was working out a million ways to explain to Jungkook what the connection was between himself and Felix, and why this whole situation was stressing him out to the point that he could see his deflating in real time. He watched his hard-on go from raging to simpering, and glared at it harder when a tent of his sin still showed in his jeans. Jesus ing Christ, what was he going to tell Jungkook? Hyunjin shoved the butts of his palms into his eyes to keep himself from crying in frustration. He would think he'd be dried out by now for the amount of tears he shed in Jungkook's absence, but some still welled behind the stars and shapes he forced into his vision.

But Jungkook was here, and he was Hyunjin's again. He didn't need to picture Jungkook's face on another boy's body anymore. He didn't need to numb his feelings in the bottoms of sake bottles or in the deafening music of clubs. So, why was he lying? Why was it so hard to tell Jungkook how badly he had hurt and how many mistakes he'd made?

'Because you're a coward, Hwang Hyunjin.' A chill rolled up his back at the crystal clear voice of his father reprimanding him from the back of his mind. He pushed his palms deeper into his eyes and grit his teeth. 'You wanna be happy? You don't deserve .' He was breathing harder than normal when the door creaked open. He smothered his anxiety back into his overpacked, compartmentalized trauma section of the brain, and plastered on his idol smile, expecting Jungkook. There he went again: Hwang 'Self-Sabotaging' Hyunjin.

"Ha! I knew you'd be back for mor-" he stalled mid-sentence, the smile instantly wiped off his face. "L-Lix," he stuttered. After a hiccup, he crossed his arms and adorned a poker face, shifting his eyes to anything in the room but the blond boy. "I'm not really into the clubbing scene anymore," he muttered.

Hyunjin watched carefully as Felix approached ever closer, taking a step back only to be blocked by the wall he'd pinned himself to. He could barely hear a word the other was saying from how the blood was rushing in his ears and his heart was hammering in his chest. He felt like his skin was crawling with fire ants wherever Felix touched him. His morning coffee was curdling in his stomach and threatening to spill. With a sharp inhale through his teeth, he caught the younger's wrist before things could go further and gently pushed Felix back by the chest with his free hand. The practice booth felt like a stifling coffin as he crossed to the exit, wanting to put as much space between them as possible.

"We're at work," he said coldly, and after a hard pause where Hyunjin still refused to look at Felix, he added, "and I'm not interested in this anymore. Let's keep it professional, yeah?"

@☼ jeon jungkook ʳᵒᵐᵉᵒ @☼ hwang hyunjin Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Something Felix's preacher tried to drill into his little head during camp one year, and it was one of the few things he kept from this whole ordeal - he remained pure in heart. Trusting. Honest. So what if Hyunjin wasn't texting back - he was just busy. Hadn't seen him at the club lately as well. Big idol after all, probably has lots of work. Eunbi-noona was worried for nothing. As usual.

So it was no wonder Lixie had a spring to his step, happy that he managed to convince not only Hyunjin, but also Jungkook from Janus, to work together on a song. He had admired how their voices fit together for so long, and to have them on a track he wrote? Magical. And he was maybe hoping... maybe he would ask Hyunjin to work on choreo together, maybe show him his other talents, other than... Ah, room 'Chrysanthemum', here we go.

"Knock, knock. Did you wait for me long? Hi, hyung" the short blond greeted, seeing only Hyunjin in the practice studio. God, he was beautiful even in this cramped space. Maybe Jungkook was running a little late. "I brought everything needed here, I'm so happy we can work together on this," he started out, dropping his bag on the table, and taking tentative steps in the taller man's direction. Maybe he could use the time before Jungkook's arrival. After all, in times before Hyunjin had made a point to steal every possible second for snogs in darkened corners, why not follow suit? "Clubbing has been boring since you stopped showing up. But I was thinkin' we could put your dance skills to use, choreograph this piece together? You look worried, hyung, have you been stressed recently?" his big round eyes glistened, reflecting the poor overhead lighting, as he reached the dancer, their thighs touching, and Felix reached out mindlessly, aiming to touch the dark-haired man's chiseled jaw, maybe just to confirm that he was real and his soft skin was really gliding under Felix's little fingers. "I can take some of that stress away, yeah?"

@✵ choi yewon⁻ᵗʳᵃᶦⁿᵉᵉ Though Yewon was clearly making an effort to not worry her, it sadly had the opposite effect. Byul was not one to just idly stand by while someone was struggling. “Should you really be here right now then?” she questioned, tilting her head a bit as she studied the younger trainee with a determined expression. “Girl… You should have stayed home and rested. Gotten sleep. Taken medicine.” Byul threw her hands up a bit in defeat and sighed. “I know you wanted to do this, but we could reschedule. I’ll always make time for trainees. Always.”

It was the truth. She would give of herself whenever she could. These kids had a future within the industry that could be quite within reach if they worked hard. It was their dream to be big and stand on stage, and Byul would be on her hands and knees to assist them up if they needed it.

Part of her was tempted to ask if she needed to cut it short. They could always schedule another time when Yewon had been able to rest a bit more, but she wasn’t certain if that was something she would agree too. Fair enough really when Byul had been the one to mess up the time of the first one once already. It would not be unthinkable that it could happen again and Yewon had probably pushed herself since she had been reassured of today.

“I will, kiddo. I…”
Byul paused, sighing again. What more was there to really say? She was not this woman’s mother and had no right to say what her body could and couldn’t do. But she knew how bad it could get when you let your body become a secondary thought. It would work for a bit, but much like a candle burning in both ends it would quickly run out of steam. The last thing she wanted was for a trainee to collapse in class.

“Just tell me if you need a break, okay?”

—

“A crime?”
A shocked expression of bemusement passed Byul’s features as she shook her head. “Said who? The face police?” It was surprisingly easy to let herself get drawn into the other’s silly humour, lifting the urge to crack a joke back even more each time. It was clear that the two had a good report with jokes, as it seemed both managed to make the other laugh quite easily.

“Perhaps it is,” she chuckled as Yewon went on, though she knew there was truth to her words. If there was one time she usually got compliments it was for her performance on stage, simply due to being able to tap into her confidence more. Felt easier up there. Despite all the eyes being on her, it felt freeing. As if her burdens and her worries and her past were left at the steps up to the stage.

“I guess I’ll make sure to pass the compliments to the woman in the mirror before bed.” It was a joke. Was meant as a joke at least, though in reality Byul did not really believe the words. Confidence could carry her a long way, yes. But she was not nearly as great as Yewon proclaimed. She was as much a mess as anyone else in reality. Though a quiet mess, if she was to see a positive in it.

Her lips pressed to a thin line as she heard Yewon’s words. They didn’t match the lady spouting about how confidence was key. But Byul felt for her. Love was confusing and messy, and it was never quite so easy to know exactly how everything would spin over time.

“Just promise to remember. Anything, ait? You have my number.” Byul flashed a soft smile. It was a bit further beyond what a coach normally would do, but trainees did best when they had everything else in order. So if she could aid she would want to try.

@◈ moon byulyi ᴍᴏᴏɴʙʏᴜʟ⁻ʳᵃᵖ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ An excuse was an excuse and usually Yewon was good at at least following up with any other excuse she came up with. It wasn't easy growing up the way she did, but at least it allowed her to develop some skills such as lying to get your way or to get out of something. Whether this was a good or a bad thing isn't really the issue, so we might as well just rush over it.

"Aah no need no need uh..." she assured the trainer, arms flailing in a cross motion as she worried the other would actually think she could get sick from getting stuck with the trainee in such a small small space.

"It's probably just a cold! I haven't been sleeping all too well and I got caught in the rain the other day so that's probably why" an awkward attempt at a smile was made as the trainee scratched the back of her neck. None of that was a lie per se, and it was true that she'd been struggling with a nasty headache the past few days, but that's exactly why it felt like the perfect excuse.

Ever since she'd messaged Byul that first time, there had been more and more occurrences of those type of nights. Yewon would just wonder around, lost deep into whatever neighborhoods the chilly night took her. If it just so happened to rain it would actually feel like a blessing to her, the droplets of the rain mixing with her own tears masquerading whatever turmoil was hiding beneath the surface.

Sometimes she'd just... stand there. It's not like anyone would be out and about at those late hours, specially in the aged neighborhoods she ventured in, so the risk of anyone seeing her was quite low. The days were a bit more gentle on Yewon as she had multiple assignments to work on and little to no rest time in which her thoughts could flow freely, but the nights.. the nights were harsh on her. Just her and her thoughts stuck together much like magnets. The trainee tried to get away but... the pull was just too strong.

"Mhm" was all Yewon could really say back as she flashed the other a grateful smile, the brief thought of the session finishing up soon breaking her heart just a little (or, not really a little).

"Make sure you do the same teach. I know preparations for an album can be exhausting, so make sure you're resting as much as you're working!"

--

"Good, because that would be a crime" she said, half-jokingly. Yewon had compared the other to those greek statues multiple times before in her head, the lines of her face complimenting each other in complete harmony as the softness and roughness of them fought and competed, only to come together to create the utmost beautiful sculpture. If she was to really think about it, Byul felt more like a mythological creature, what was the word for it.... 'A nymph'. That felt right. And it wasn't purely her looks.

Sure Byul looked absolutely otherworldly to Yewon, but what really sealed the deal was her personality, which Yewon was just now truly uncovering. As a fan, you can't be sure of anything about your idols, but even though she was just a fan herself... she just knew. She had this gut feeling, and it was right. Byul was the kindest and most beautiful person she'd ever seen (and now even met!).

"See? Confidence is attractive. And if you put it together with all you already offer... no one would be able to resist." Yewon didn't worry much about her words now. The air felt friendly enough and it was very likely that her words would just pass as encouragement due to the subject of their discussion.

Byul's words left a bittersweet aftertaste. The younger's shoulders slumped as she sank even further in her seat, playing with her hands as nervousness arouse due to being the focus of the conversation. It's not like she didn't want to proclaim her love towards the other, she'd honestly have no issue with it. It's not like the two were going to keep in touch either way, so she'd probably just be another fangirl that the older would forget about in no time. Probably. But there was a line and Yewon refused to cross it.

"No no don't worry about it I just.. don't usually talk about this or anything at all to be honest. We're just... on different levels, and I plan to respect that. Unattainable is a good way to put it to be honest..."

@✵ choi yewon⁻ᵗʳᵃᶦⁿᵉᵉ Byulyi flashed a small smile. It was oddly comforting to hear the words she tried to tell herself at night be spoken out loud, as it had quite a separate effect on her than her own small words of comfort ever could. It was strange in a way. Constantly being told that she had worth by being in the position she was now, yet being unable to truly fathom it to be reality.

Her life ever since Tiff had walked in backstage at that venue had been so different. She was no longer just a small-time artist. She was getting her shot at the big leagues, and all from one encounter. It spoke of how her talents were seen by people, but that still did not mean it had managed to really drill itself into her heart just yet. Things like that were weird. They never seemed to fully let go.

She knew the reason but… Even with the work she had done over the past few years she had cracks that were yet to be cleaned up and fixed.

“Oh, I… Should I have offered you a facemask when you got here? Worn one, maybe?” the trainer asked with a grimace. Hopefully it truly was just a bit sick. She hoped the fact that she had fumbled the first meeting wasn’t the reason Yewon had pushed herself to be here despite being ill. When it was like this it was best that she got as much rest as possible. Even if training like this wasn’t too taxing on the body it ran the risk of making the illness stay longer.

“Just make sure you get home safe after all this and get proper rest, mh? Teach’s orders, or something like that.”

—

It seemed Byul’s words hit the younger harder than they hit herself. That or she had just gotten used to them. For where she just saw a facet of reality, Yewon seemed to think of it as just plain wrong. She looked almost annoyed at what Byulyi had said, arms crossed and shooting her a small stare.

“Never said I don’t like my face,” Byulyi defended herself. And that was true. She hadn’t said it. Out loud anyways. There really was no stopping the thoughts she kept to herself behind it all. They were a constant nagging chorus at the back of her mind, refuting any compliment, even when it managed to make those voices a lot quieter.

But Yewon’s next point was the one to really hammer in the truth. She was right. If ever there would be someone in her life again, they probably wouldn’t take kindly to hearing her talk so low about herself. For that was the reasoning she was single to begin with, was it not? Back then she had done no work on herself and it was far worse than it was now. She couldn’t fault her ex for wanting out of that mess.

So perhaps it was not as simple as she had first thought. Perhaps there truly was several more steps before she could be fully proud of herself.

Byulyi’s face shifted, her lips tightly pressed together as she looked away. The usual air of bravado and charm had all but gone from her as she was now truly faced with her past: the wakeup call that made her seek help in the first place. “Yeah, guess you’re right there. She would not be happy.” She hadn’t been happy. Then Byul had been even less happy. And alone.

She nodded slowly to confirm she had heard what Yewon said. There was even some comfort to be found inn the light touch of her shoulder. Byulyi sighed, letting her shoulders drop a little before her smiled returned. “No, I get it, kiddo. Just… Know I’m here, yeah?” Even if whatever this issue was couldn’t be something she could assist with then perhaps she could be of some help in the future. She at least wanted to have the offer out there.

“You make her sound unattainable, but certainly she’d see someone as dedicated as you, no? Like… acknowledge your existence at least,” Byul had tried before sighing again. “I’m sorry, I… I can tell this isn’t what you want to talk about. I shouldn’t have pressed for it. I… I really am sorry.”

@◈ moon byulyi ᴍᴏᴏɴʙʏᴜʟ⁻ʳᵃᵖ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ The trainee could only smile at her. It was truly admirable how much focus and passion she had for her work, and it really showed in the end product. Anyone with a couple braincells could tell that unlike some artists out there, Byul wasn't there to make money. She was there to create art and to share it with the world.

"And that is exactly why it'll be a hit, trust me."

Yewon wasn't one to speak from the heart very often, but every single conversation she had with the rapper made her want to... comfort her? That wasn't the right word, but the feeling was somewhat there. To think someone like Byul would be insecure on her work baffled her, and if it could give her any peace of mind, Yewon wouldn't mind letting her know just how amazing everything she does or touches is.

The trainer did seem a bit taken aback by Yewon's sudden change, but there really was no other way to avoid a complete disaster. Had she kept shut, they wouldn't even be in this situation in the first place.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm a bit sick and I wouldn't want to pass it on to you.."

'Great excuse Yewon, totally believable. Gosh I wonder if you even have a brain at times'. Despite all the internal monologue, Yewon made sure to keep an eye out for Byul's expressions. She was already feeling like for wasting her time, but this going back and forward on her personality was surely confusing for the trainer, and she was probably beginning to get tired of her.

Even though that was probably the case, Yewon couldn't thank her enough for the amount of time's Byul's encouraged her in the past few hours. There's really no telling what an artist is like behind closed doors, but somehow Yewon always had a feeling she was as true and genuine as it gets. And now she confirmed her suspicions.

"Ah.. thank you.. That really means a lot to me, you have no idea."

She had no idea indeed.

--

Yewon wasn't much of a fan of this self-deprecation-like (sort of) behavior the older had going on. Crossing her arms in front of her body, Yewon shot the trainer a somewhat angry look, huffing in her spot. "Well then those people are blind. Are perhaps the mirrors at your place all broken? They must be. You should think about replacing them."

She wanted to laugh alongside her, but as cute as her actions where, Yewon would not stand for this type of conversation. This was the subject of her dreams, her muse, that they were talking about. "What if you told \*that\* girl that that's how you feel about yourself? Bet you anything you want she wouldn't be too happy about it."

Misunderstanding after misunderstanding, Yewon was beginning to think she was simply bad at communicating. Well, that shouldn't really come as a surprise, but she figured that only happened with everyone else because she had no interested in whatever subjects they brought to the table unless it had to do with Byul. If this is also happened with Byul... then what could she even do.

"Listen" she warned, inching closer to the trainer as she reached out for her shoulder, much like the other had done earlier that day. "This had absolutely nothing to do with you" a lie, but we'll allow it. "Everything that's on my mind currently is stuff I simply cannot share with you personally. If I have any other troubles I can share, I will be sure to turn to you.. if that's okay with you. It's just... this in particular... I really can't share."

Somehow the conversation had turned her way after all this time, and Yewon wasn't loving it. Talking about herself was never her strongest point, she very much preferred to keep her things to herself.

"She's more than worth it. She's not exactly breaking my heart... at least not knowingly. We're not close at all actually, she doesn't even know I like her. It's... complicated. But I'd follow her to hell any day, any time, and those are feelings I just can't ignore, you know?"

Shooting the trainer a sad smile, Yewon shook her head once more as she took a big breath, heart racing in the most painful way it had ever since that night she'd tried so hard to forget.

"I appreciate your words either way. You don't need to have dated half the world to care. Thank you."

@✵ choi yewon⁻ᵗʳᵃᶦⁿᵉᵉ “I certainly hope you’re right. Put more work into this baby than I’ve done most things in my life,” Byulyi confessed, a hint of pride in her voice. She wasn’t usually one to boast of anything, but this song was different. It was a loveletter to the person she wanted to be. A declaration to the world and to those in it that needed support. It was so much all at once, and could only be so because she had been afforded a chance.

Yewon’s change of tone did not fully go unnoticed however, and Byul couldn’t fault her for it. This was after all meant to have been a study session for the trainee, not just meant to be a spot for Byul to let her mind wander or brag about the work she was doing. It probably came off a bit stuck up to be so high about her own work. Hopefully the woman didn’t sit with a negative view of her when they parted ways.

“O-oh.” Of course. She WAS being too forward. It wasn’t like everyone was like her, after all. Where she put physical contact high on her list of methods to communicate, many might not. So where Byulyi had thought a hug would be a good display of admiration and pride, perhaps Yewon saw it as something that invaded her personal space. For all she knew Yewon’s friends were anything but touchy, so a joke like that might usually have landed with them. It was hard to always know.

“No yeah, that- That’s cool. No worries, yeah?” Stupid Byul. You barely know the kid. She just wanted help with her rap lessons, not a confidant or friend. “I’m proud of you though. Both for your work and speaking your mind now. I might be the teach, but my say ain’t always final. Got to know that you get that both for stuff like this and the lessons.” Surely that was a correct way of saying it to safe some face.

—

Byul let out another short laugh. Yewon truly was being adorable with the slightly stubborn take on it all. And as much as she wanted to deep down trust those words, they could not win the fight fully. “You’re cute. But… I’ve met more people that disagree with you on that one than I’ve met those who agree.” At least she could make somewhat of a joke of it, tossing her hands up in jokey fingerguns. It was hard to accept stuff like that in any other way.

The rougher tone to the trainee’s voice as she reiterated it not being something to do with Byulyi herself made her start thinking that perhaps it did. Was it the way she had joked about hugs earlier and all resurfacing as some kind of discomfort? She didn’t want to scare the girl off, and it was clear that most physical contact of any kind tended to make her seem… shut in.

Raising her hands in a peace gesture, Byulyi continued on as if she hadn’t felt a slight bruise from the shut down of her offer. “Hey, it’s not my place to tell you what to share with who. And my offer was more general, but I can see how I might have made it sound as if I was trying to pick your brain. I’m sorry.” It wouldn’t solve anything, but the trainee deserved an apology.

“I am however happy to hear you’re still willing to give that friend a chance, even if it sounds like she doesn’t.” Perhaps a harsher truth was more warranted? Yewon seemed to deal better with absolute statements and facts than she did optimism and soft talk. “But if she doesn’t give you the time of day at all, is she really worth it? You seem like a great kid. I’d hate to know some broke your heart for just living your truth.”
‘You’re being sentimental again, Byulyi. Stoooop.’
“But listen to me, blabbing like some romantic, as if I had any ing experience to speak of at all,” she had hurriedly chuckled, trying to steer the conversation away from where she had taken it. It was obvious enough that she was pushing boundaries.

@◈ moon byulyi ᴍᴏᴏɴʙʏᴜʟ⁻ʳᵃᵖ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ Yewon continued to listen to the trainer. Although unfair, it was true that the girl group had managed to gather themselves quite the following, but even with that being the case, it didn't necessarily mean their fans were better or more dedicated. Although not as big, Byul's fans were very much dedicated to her and her events, where as though bigger artists did have a bigger following yes, but also brought in some rotten apples. The bigger the fandom, the worse it gets, so in a way, Yewon was grateful Byul had a smaller group of fans supporting her.

"Hmm I see. Well, I know it'll be a hit either way, but since it's something you're excited about I really hope everything goes well and you manage to get the collab you're hoping for!"

The wish to change the subject was never this hard, small hints of jealously popped up here and there and Yewon was just over it. 'How nice is it to be wanted by Byul.'

The change in her attitude was nothing new, but this time her mask didn't feel as strong as it usually does. Was it nervousness? The fact she hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night? Either way, she wasn't exactly sure she could handle that much physical contact with Byul and the thought on itself was enough to make her freak out completely.

"Aah- It's okay I was joking haha-" she wasn't really, deep down, but she didn't exactly expect the other to agree to it, she thought it would just be a fun joke to throw around.

--

"Let me stop you right there. I know it's hard for most people to acknowledge good things about themselves, but you're THE Moon Byulyi. You are very much objectively attractive and anyone would tell you the same."

It wasn't like Yewon was 100% sure of herself, but she'd fought enough voices in her head to get to where she was and although she wasn't completely satisfied, she accepted life as it was and wouldn't let anyone else ruin it for her. Life's too short to worry about stuff like that. The industry was ruthless, but Byul wouldn't be an artist if she wasn't considered attractive, and that is a fact she would have to accept.

As the conversation drifted back to her all she wanted to hide in a hole somewhere. A very dark and deep hole. The topic was the very cause of all her nightmares, and it so it was something she actively buried down deep, which is why Yewon tried her best to move past the subject, reassuring the trainer as she didn't want to leave her actions open for the wrong interpretation.

"It really has nothing to do with you! It's just something I couldn't personally share with anyone.."

'Not that I have anyone to share it with anyway.'

The mood lightened up after, the newest topic being a lot more to her liking. Yewon allowed her muscles to relax, not really realizing she'd been tense this whole time. As she sunk in her seat, Yewon nodded in agreement ever so often to let the other know she was listening.

"Oh she accepts the way I am, I know that at the very least. But... there are no feelings from her part whatsoever, being it romantic or friend-like. But it's okay, I'm okay with supporting her from the bleachers. I'll forever be her number 1 cheerleader, and that's all I need."

@✵ choi yewon⁻ᵗʳᵃᶦⁿᵉᵉ [ I take full responsibility and all the blame! ]

“Well … Either way, DIA fans-“ Byulyi went on as if it really hadn’t mattered all that much. And in reality it didn’t, but she liked to make an effort both to the groups and the higher ups to show that she cared for them. Cause she did. “-are a whole lot bigger than my little grouping of supporters. So if they get a hold of the tracklist and see the feature…” She wrinkled her nose a bit and gave a small shrug. “You never know, right? Perhaps I could actually get a small success from the album itself just on that alone.”

Of course that made it all sound incredibly shallow. It wasn’t as if she was aiming for a DIA feature to get her anywhere. It had simply been the fortunate way things had potentially developed. It all still hinged of Stal being correct and all, but she was sure the lady had never made a single wrong choice in her life.

The sudden stammer from Yewon caught her off guard. Despite the way this little session had begun, she had almost forgotten how shy the younger had looked and acted when they first got here. And it seemed her words had triggered that side to peak forth again ever so slightly. In many ways it was endearing, yet Byulyi couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it meant she was stepping on toes right next to the metaphorical line of what was okay.

So when the confident mask seemed to take over again, Byul fent a wave of relief rush through her. Perhaps it was just a momentary slip up. A laugh escaped her, first as a light guffaw before fully developing to a chuckle. “Cheeky,” she hummed before pausing, her bottom lip absentmindedly as she thought it through. A hug couldn’t hurt, could it?

“Ait… One hug,” she eventually affirmed, lifting her hand to hold up a single finger. “You get one. For being cute and a good student.” The hand dropped back down, her arm resting over her knee as she shrugged. “You did pretty good with the basics and all for a first timer. And I’m sure until next time you’ll improve even more. So one hug before we say goodbye, okay?”

—

Byulyi let out a small sound of disagreement, wrinkling her nose a little at Yewon’s chosen words. “I mean, objectively visuals are quite a divided topic,” she argued, though why she was letting her inner demons win she did not know. It wasn’t as if she fully believed the anymore. She didn’t detest seeing herself in the mirror in the mornings, nor did she ever feel like she should have looked different. But it was hard to leave it all in the past. Those words still nagged at the bag of her skull, fuelled by what was already there to begin with.

Noticing the way the younger’s body language changed, Byul was fast to pull her hand back. Perhaps she was overstepping boundaries by being so forward. It wasn’t unusual for anyone in her age to not want to talk to any figure of authority. And as much as Byul didn’t want to be seen as one, she knew it came as part of the territory with this job.

“No no, I … I get it.”
She flashed a saddened smile and nodded her head. “I just… Hope you have someone to talk to.” She certainly recognized the feeling of sitting with thoughts and worries she was unable to put into words. As many times as she had tried she had failed when she was on her own. It was first when she had confided in other people that she had felt something begin to work towards a solution to her troubles.

And even then it had been a steep hill to fight up. She had experienced some of her worst setbacks in that time, trying to finally understand and accept herself. It had been a mess. She had been a mess. So even if she understood where Yewon might have stood in it all, it would not help to push her offer of a shoulder harder.

So she retracted, putting some distance between the two by leaning back in her seat, trying to play it off casually despite attempting to give her some space.

“Mhm. One. Singular,” she confirmed passively, not sure if the jokey mood would be entirely suited still, even i it seemed to be what Yewon was going for. Perhaps playing along was just the simplest. “Hey, to each their own. I just… can’t say I’ve never had feelings for a man, so thus can’t oust them completely from my conclusions. But ey, I definitely get wanting anything but one. They’re… uh… messy.” But so was she. Perhaps there was more truth to the words the kids in school had thrown at her than she liked to think. Even as she got older it never really went away. “The important part is that you live your truth. And that whoever this girl is accepts you for who you are. Feelings can be convoluted but… They shouldn’t come in the way of a relationship. Be it romantic or strictly as friends.”

Was she being too much again? “Oh listen to me blab like a ing romantic. The hell do I know, huh? I’ve probably dated less people than 90% of this building.”

@◈ moon byulyi ᴍᴏᴏɴʙʏᴜʟ⁻ʳᵃᵖ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ (I apologize in advance, but let it be known it is pretty much your fault c:)

With a confused expression, Yewon tilted her head ever so slightly to her right, bringing up her hand to hold her chin. "Moonshines? I honestly have no idea."

She had no other interests aside from Byul, so it wasn't that hard to believe she knew little to nothing about other artists or their fans, and that included fandom names. That wasn't to say she hadn't tried, however.

When Yewon first found out about Byul through a random youtube video, it was like nothing she had ever felt before. She could remember it like it had happened yesterday: it was the night before an exam (which one exactly she couldn't remember, but to be fair she worried close to nothing about them so she probably didn't even know that night either), boredom filled the air in her room as she scrolled through her recommendations, her eyes finally stopping on the masterpiece that was her first public concert.

The rest of the night was pretty much like a dream. It was in fact the first all nighter the girl had pulled, hours and hours on end of performances, as little as they were, on repeat. She had never felt her heart beat so fast over anything and although her life was pretty boring, that meant a lot to her. From that day forward, her obsession just kept on growing and growing, and one could even say it was the wake up call she needed to leave that toxic house.

She had tried finding the same feeling in other artists as at first she believed it was her music that had touched her (even though deep down, she knew what the real reason was, even if her heart wasn't ready to accept it), but no other artists, no other songs were doing it for her. She eventually accepted Byul would be her only source of joy, and so it had been ever since.

Coming back into the present, not even a full minute had been lost with the flashback, and Yewon smilled lovingly to herself at the sight of the older, allowing her elbow to support her chin on the table as her muse went on about something related to her memory (to be honest she wasn't really paying much attention to what she said, the warmth feeling of remembering that night coming back to her as she was once more reminded of her love for the woman in front of her).

At the words of appreciation Yewon rewinded (or forward?) back into reality, smiling back shyly. She was living the dream right now. Being able to talk to Byul was already something she had never imagined she would be able to do, but being in this same space, talking about any and everything and sharing things and listening to her talk about her own personal things... she wished this would never end. If there was anything she could do to have this moment last forever, she would. But time was cruel, and the trainee was sure they had either already gone over the time scheduled or were pretty close to doing so.

Byul wouldn't really allow her to catch a break though, it was as if she read her mind. If she only had a couple more minutes with her, she would definitely be suffering through them.

"A hu-? cu-?"

Sometimes words didn't exactly word for Yewon, and in any other setting it would be okay as she'd cooly brush it off, but not in this scenario, not in this situation. It was as if Byul knew how she felt by now (although the younger really hoped she didn't), and was doing everything in her power to play with her and her heart. But Yewon wasn't one to back down, oh no. She was stubborn and two could very much play this game.

"Well, maybe I deserve one" she retorted teasingly with her characteristic mischievous expression, her heart beating so loud she could swear anyone close enough would be able to hear it.

--

"No need to thank me, I'm just speaking the objective truth." This was indeed not a lie, although the use of the word 'objective' was more often than not not the best to use in her case. Everything regarding Byul was bound to have a kick of bias in it, but not in the way one would think. It wasn't that she found her beautiful because she liked her, no, she was very objective with her likings. But if there was something she didn't like about her, she would stick to it and not brush over it just because it was her (although if we're being honest... there was nothing of the sorts so far, and there would probably never be).

At Byul's offer she couldn't really help but react with an honest and bitter chuckle, her somewhat emotionless eyes meeting the other for a brief second before she turned to her hands that now rested over the rough fabric of her jeans.

"I appreciate that but... my issues aren't really something I can.. share with you"

And although anyone might've figured out the reason, allow me to further explain. Leaving her parents house had been one of the biggest obstacles Yewon had had to overcome. Living on her own, at some friends' house, Yewon worked hard to give back to anyone who helped her through those times. However, ever since she had joined the company, all her things were taken care of, so long as she practiced and showed them the results of her efforts.

So you see, as of now, her only issue is what in the hells is she going to do from this point onward. Her one dream in life was to be able to meet Byul, and that's why she left her old life behind, that's all the reason she had to join the company and become a trainee in the first place. Byul as all the trainee wanted, and even though she knew she would never have her... it wouldn't hurt to dream of at least meeting her. But now that that had been checked of her list, which was composed of one single item, what was her life to become?

How exactly would she be even able to share a fifth of what was going through her mind without outing herself? It's not that she didn't want to... that would be the perfect excuse to talk to Byul again after today... but just what exactly could she even talk about?

All these feelings had been buried in the back of her mind for a while, and they were to remain there until at least the end of the lesson. After that... who knows. But for now what matters is Byul, right in front of her. It was better to continue with the playful atmosphere before everything was over.

"Hmmm A woman I see I see" she eyed the other once more in a suggestive and playful manner, grabbing her glasses as she brought them down to the tip of her nose and winked at the trainer, giving her a big smile as she adjusted them back.

"Can't say I understand that. I've never had any interest in men" or in any other woman, but that was something to be kept between her and us.

@✵ choi yewon⁻ᵗʳᵃᶦⁿᵉᵉ Byulyi let out a small laugh while waving off Yewon’s half-begun statement. “Oh please. I know I have fans out there, but I don’t think it could ever compare to the Moonshines,” she chuckles before pausing, a contemplative expression passing her face. “Moonshine is the right fandom, right? Still trying to get a grips on all of the groups, but my memory-“ She mimics a gun with her hand, placing it up to her temple before striking a grimace as she ‘pulls’ the trigger. “It’s shoddy at best. Pretty crap at worst.” Another beautiful gift left by her father, from what she had learned in her therapy sessions.

“You are sweet though, kiddo. I appreciate the vote of confidence.” She smiled, perhaps a bit bashfully, but 100% genuinely. It was nice to know she had people in her corner when she was about to be batting with the all-stars, so to speak.

But as Yewon laid it on a bit thicker she lured out another laugh. Some flattery Byulyi could work with. But she was far from able to take too much. “Careful now or I might just hug you for being so cute,” she warned half-jokingly, not wanting to make things awkward. There had been enough stories in the media of staff being weird and touchy without her own name possibly being slapped in one of the headlines.

—

It was clear that the topic had triggered something for Yewon. What had been a pretty excited moment had turned somewhat downbeat and quiet, as if a raincloud had somehow managed to squeeze itself through the ventilation system in the building, all just to rain on their collective parade as they sat there together. Byulyi could swear she almost felt it pressing down atop them as they sat there, a looming darkness that she couldn’t quite grasp where had come from.

“I-“ She was admittedly caught a bit off guard by the sudden compliment, not fully realizing how it connected to anything before thinking it through at least thrice in her head. Either way it had been enough to stay her tongue for a moment too long, leaving a little air of quiet between the two. One Byul’s own vague anxiety filled with a slowly building chuckle. “Thank you. I don’t hear that too often.”

Wanting to offer a bit more support, Byulyi slowly moved her hand from the woman’s shoulder to her back. It moved in a gentle circle as her fingers brushed over the fabric of her top. “I try to be that someone for somebody that I never had myself. Trynna leave the world a bit better of a place than I first met it, if ya catch my drift.” Was this being too forward? After all, the trainers were supposed to get personable enough with trainees to support them where needed. it… She was already diving in. “If… You ever need to talk about anything. Just know I’ll lend an ear, okay? Us Diamond Souls gotta take care of each other. It’s the only way we’ll become the big stars we’re all meant to be, don’t you think?” She hoped her words could be off some comfort, as well as the small smile on her lips.

And so seeing Yewon’s lips quirk up in a smile again was a comfort. Deep down Byulyi knew that her song could trigger big emotions for many. She herself had grappled with enough of them as she wrote the lyrics, so it was only fair that one could feel it too. But she’d rather not leave the trainee so sullen at the end of their session if possible.

“Alright alright,” she laughed as she pulled back her hand, her eyes already rolling a bit at the playful jab from the trainee. “WomAN, if you need to have the number exactly. Can’t say I have experimented that much with it all but… I definitely know what my heart wants, and it usually don’t look like a husband, I’ll tell you that much.” She raised her hands up a bit, still smiling as she slowly blinked. “Of course, not swearing off men either. You never know when prince Charming will come, but they just don’t get us that well.”

@◈ moon byulyi ᴍᴏᴏɴʙʏᴜʟ⁻ʳᵃᵖ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ "Pff, little? You? I'm not sure you're aware of the fanba-" Oops. Yewon was getting perhaps a little too relaxed, at least almost to the point of revealing more than she intended to. Sure, it was probably clear to Byul she was at the very least familiar with her and her work, but there's quite the distance between that and well, being an obsessed fan (although if one values their life, they probably shouldn't call her that directly to her face, it was an extremely sensitive topic).

"What I mean is- anyone would be lucky to get the chance to work with you"

That was dangerous. Yewon wasn't usually this careless, but it's Byul we're talking about. It's clear that Yewon finds it difficult to maintain her composure around her, so it should be a surprise to none that every now and then a little slip up might happen. As long as she's able to catch her words before she exposes herself, everything should be fine... right?

Anyway, to an outsider Yewon's words might've looked like flattery. Byul was a trainer after all, and if one didn't know any better, one could say she was trying to get in her good graces with the hopes of speeding up the whole trainee process. However, if one lives in her mind much like we do, they would know it all came from a place of pure admiration. Every single word she uttered came from the deepest part of her heart and carried all her hidden colorful emotions.

"It's definitely good if it brings your work into the spotlight, but don't forget you're an artist like anyone else. Your work is just as valuable, if not more." That sounded about right. It was the truth while just borderline hiding her true feelings right at the end.

--

Was there even any way to brighten the mood now? Yewon had turned what was supposed to be a fun and exciting moment into quite the depressing thought train chug-chugging it's path through the walls of a Klein bottle, or the sad atmosphere, if we're looking at it from Byul's point of view. This topic was heavy, and definitely not something she wishes she had brought into the conversation, but her worries are her worries and it's difficult for her to hide anything that relates to the trainer, specially something that could jeopardize her career.

However, and just like she thought, the rapper had thoroughly thought about everything and even came up with options in case things went south. 'As expected'. One could easily erase Yewon out of the fangirl, but could never erase the fangirl out of Yewon, even in serious situations. But there was this one thing she hated about it. The fact one of the solutions was based on the most stupid thing within the fandom (and honestly one of the things that just made her cut contact with any other fan of Byul) angered Yewon. It was stupid, it was ist, and just overall belonged in the trash. The idea that a women can't be considered handsome without being compared to a man baffled her.

"That's stupid. You're a beautiful woman."

The anger was so large she didn't quite measure the words she had just spat out. Just another case of running faster than her head, but this was also such a recurrent topic in the fandom, and a topic she was extremely tired of nonetheless, that it completely blinded her to anything else, even to the warm and fuzzy feeling flowing from her right shoulder where a warm, reassuring hand now rested, right towards her heart, a hand that would be causing an internal turmoil in the trainee's head were they in a different situation.

Her words were undoubtedly comforting however, and she did have a point. If the CEO's themselves didn't see a problem with it... why should she? Plus if it's what Byul wants, she shouldn't be bringing her mood down like this, not when she was so clearly happy with her masterpiece.

"You're right... And it's sweet of you to be thinking of other people like this. I wish more people did too."

Thinking back on it, one could without a doubt think about the song and relate it to that topic... on a very surface level at least. Deep down it was much more than that and, as mentioned multiple times, a lot more personal. And Yewon knew she'd be up long nights listening to it, and she didn't exactly know how long she would have to go by without hearing it... but it would be too much to ask for her to keep it on her phone or on her computer. Byul didn't even know her, and it would be way too dangerous to let anyone have this type of song just hidden before it's released, let alone someone you know nothing about and have zero reasons to trust.

All these thoughts had kept her overworked brain company for a while now, and even as the duo discussed the sensitive topic, Yewon couldn't help but think that that had been her last chance of listening to what would probably become her favorite track from the artist for a while (as usually these things are planned months in advance).

A small silence had followed her words, but Yewon wanted to somehow lighten up the mood. Except as one (or her) would expect, Byul beat her to it. If Yewon hadn't been checked already, anyone might've thought she was bipolar or something along those lines, because they way her expression, her tone, and her body language did a full 180 at what she saw and heard next was absolutely insane. Nevertheless, she transitioned into her playful mask once again, that wink and the confidence in Byul's tone being very much enough to light up the spark in her heart that had been put to sleep during the previous minutes.

"WomEn? Plural? Wow... so you're a womanizer teach? I mean- I didn't really take you for one but hey, you do you" and to that she added a mischievous wink and a rather frisky smirk. That was not at all what she thought, and it was probably clear to anyone listening in that it was a joke, but it was her way of lightening up the mood again and, hopefully, it would work.

@✵ choi yewon⁻ᵗʳᵃᶦⁿᵉᵉ “Uh huh,” Byul confirmed with an excited nod of her head. “Imagine that, huh? Lil’ ol’ me rubbing shoulders with the stars.” Most would probably think she was being weird for all the energetic joy she seemed to ooze. She was a rap coach in the business, after all. She had both met and interacted with several of the DIA members as it was already, but this felt different. This was on a song. HER song. The one she’d wanted to put out more than anything.

In many ways she was above them in pecking order, being able to instruct and guide them if needed. And in equally many ways she was just another fan too. It was a strange balance to strike between colleague and admirer, having to ensure she would not let her own admiration of them make her unable to call out when they did something wrong or where they could improve.

But on her song… There it would be a collaboration. Them all standing on the very same level. They’d just be artists working together. That was a notion that made Byul more excited than anything. And if who Stal had in mind had the feel Byul was looking for, then certainly they’d be able to make a song for those who also felt on the outsides of society at times.

“I’d say I’m lucky to work with them if the possibility comes through,” Byul admitted. “A bigger name on a b-side track might give it some more traction instead of it just becoming a forgotten song on the mini, you know.” And though she had been given the permission to put the track on the mini, she had also been recommended to put it further in.

—

It was evident that something was bothering the trainee. The lively energy she had shared earlier when she had excitedly heard through the song first once, then twice, had seemed to evaporate completely. For the first time since she had exited the room for a moment, she almost seemed to be back to who she had been at the start: Quiet, shy, unable to even look Byul in the eye as they spoke.

“Oh, I’m aware,” Byul hummed, gently reaching a hand out to place it on Yewon’s shoulder. The concern was appreciated, but hopefully it wouldn’t eat the younger up on the inside. “I… wanted to do this for me. I’m tired of hiding in the shadows. Pretending as if I only like men.” She let out a small puff of air. “And I can always make an excuse of it having been written from the point of view of a guy. Not as if people haven’t jokingly called me a man before.” And not so jokingly too, she remembered, still capable of feeling the very finest imprint of the sting within her heart from the many years she had been pushed down.

“I will be fine, Yewon. Doubt Tiff would have let me put it in there if she didn’t trust me or Jess to be able to somehow explain it away. And then hopefully the guys and girls out there still figuring themselves out will have a song to show them that there is nothing wrong with who they are. To prove to themselves that they are just as much stars of this world as the rest of us.” It was something she wished she had when she grew up.

“And so what if the press would come up with some rumor of me kissing women? I can’t exactly complain about them portraying me accurately,” Byul added with a humorous tone, giving the woman a short wink.

@◈ moon byulyi ᴍᴏᴏɴʙʏᴜʟ⁻ʳᵃᵖ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ "A DIA member? Hmm"

Yewon had had this gut feeling ever since she learned the song was meant to be a duet, the feeling that there was without a doubt a muse to the story. Even if the trainer had said much to debunk this, she just felt like there were too many feelings, too much warmth and affection for it to simply be a song written with no one in mind. Whether this was true or not didn't really matter to her, we all know how Yewon's head works by now.

If she had written a song about something like this and with someone in mind, she would surely try to get them to participate. If they're making it this personal in the first place, it would only make sense to take it that far, it could just be seen as a collab at the of the day, and it would be something shared by them in secret.

Yewon was surely not going to overstep on this topic however, Byul had probably already said more than she would want to or even have to, and that was more than enough for Yewon. They weren't friends. This isn't just something super casual she could be asking her as a fan, even more so when it was something that could potentially hurt not only the rapper, but also whoever it was that the song was meant for, and therefore hurt the former even more, and probably both their careers. There had to be respect towards one's personal life, and that's why Yewon just brushed it over with a fake and very much cartoon-like pondering expression which was soon replaced with a (very much also fake) grin.

"Well, whoever they are, they are very lucky to be the one's working with you. I'm sure it'll be a hit!" It wasn't the first time Yewon's words hid a different meaning behind them and it wouldn't be the last, but this was always something only she would know.

--

Somehow Yewon had turned the mood around. A full 360 if she thought about it for long enough. That wasn't at all her intention, but it all came from a place of worry. Worry that something would happen to the trainer, something bad. People could be extremely ty on this topic and there really was no telling on what could happen from the moment suspicions arouse. She knew it all too well. To know even the people you trust the most would turn on you for something so stupid... Yewon wasn't a stranger to that, and it showed all over her face how the topic was something she hadn't gotten over yet.

"I mean.. I know this isn't at all my place but... You must know how this country works... You must know that with lyrics like these there might be people that won't be very... nice about it. Stupid people yes but still... isn't it a bit dangerous?"

Yewon bit her tongue, eyes still fixed on nothing in particular as much was going through her head for her to be able to even look up. Byul was an adult, and she could definitely do whatever she wanted. Surely she knows all that Yewon could ever tell her on the subject, she's the one that has been an artist for long, and the trainee's sure she would have thought everything through countless times. It isn't something one just pulls out of their hat with no thoughts on the repercussions. But Yewon was still scared. Perhaps it was a bit selfish of her, but she couldn't really imagine living if Byul wasn't allowed to write anymore, if she wasn't able to perform the way she did. Yewon's whole life revolved around the rapper, and what was there to live if life itself was gone?

@✵ choi yewon⁻ᵗʳᵃᶦⁿᵉᵉ “Don’t worry, kiddo, I got what you meant,” Byulyi chuckled when the trainee suddenly looked real worried. There was no mistaking the playful tone to Yewon’s voice when she had worded her original joke, a clear point of jest to poke at Byul’s struggles with formality. She couldn’t fault her. It would have been hard if Tiffany had suddenly asked her not to call her boss. Things had pecking orders, even if Byul struggled to follow them to all times.

“Yeah. It’s hard to fully explain, you know.” She flashed a short smile, her hand moving up to scratch awkwardly at her neck. It was never easy to try to tell anyone what her mind had been on when she wrote it. People tended to just take it one way and it neglected the part she cared for the most: the connection.
She had tried explaining it in the past. She had seen the looks people gave her. But that was all too surface level. Love was nothing if it didn’t have a connection. It was what made everything exciting. A kiss could just be a kiss, but when you kissed someone you loved… Now that was the feeling she wanted to capture.

Yewon’s words of encouragement were appreciated, yet there was more to it. A love song needed a second voice. If not it would just be a song of longing. And though it was true Byulyi was longing to have someone to fill the lonesome part of her life whenever she went home from work, she did not want to convey the more desperate side so readily to the people. One big revelation was enough at a time.

“I didn’t really have anyone in mind at first. Just a sound, kind of. Raspy maybe. Something breathy and seductive,” she went on to explain, grinning a little as Yewon inched closer. “Ait, just… promise to keep it a secret, because it isn’t sure it will go through but-“ She leaned closer herself. “Stal, you know the stylist. She put me in contact with a certain DIA member. I might be able to hook myself some proper starpower for this release.” It was evident from her tone that Byul was excited, giddy to be able to get a big name on one of her tracks.


—

As Yewon picked the phone out of her hand, Byul leaned back to just observe. She was cute, that trainee, especially with her glasses. It made her look a bit more approachable, oddly. Byul kicked her chair back on its hind legs again, unable to distract herself with her phone or work as Yewon read through the lyrics once.
And then twice. She was sure she saw her scroll back up. Hopefully not to point out faults in the lyrics. Changing them now would be a hassle unless it could still flow well. Which with some work it probably could.

She hummed quietly to herself, letting her eyes drift up to the roof instead as she waited. It was better to not rush the poor trainee. It was probably a rush to get to see work like that up front, especially for an artist you admired. And she had remembered Yewon mentioning it before. Her attention drew back to Yewon when she heard a shift of weight and noticed the phone held back out towards her. But where she had expected to look into the other’s eyes and hopefully see some excitement or understanding, she was instead met with a downcast gaze.

“What do you mean?” she asked, carefully plucking her phone back from the trainee’s hand. “Tiff signed off on it, and she knew all that would be in there, so I don’t see why not.”

@◈ moon byulyi ᴍᴏᴏɴʙʏᴜʟ⁻ʳᵃᵖ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ "Hmmm I mean, you are what you are, right?" There was definitely a jokester-type of tone to that, but afraid the other might misinterpret, Yewon added in a slightly worried tone as she flailed her hands around "I'm joking I'm joking!".

She had gotten a bit more comfortable now, perhaps even a little too bold, but it felt nice to be able to talk to Byul about something as personal to her as a song written by the topic of her own piece, never in her wildest dreams would she imagine she'd be talking to her like this, let alone about something like *that*.

Byul's words left a big dent in her ego this time.
"Feeling"
Yewon didn't exactly know what she was talking about. It made sense if she really thought about it, but it's not something she could relate to, or something she could even in the slightlest comprehend. Don't get it wrong, Yewon was in no way a prude, she had her fair share of dreams about... well, that and her, but to experience something like this was never really a priority for her. There was no one else the trainee was interested in, and there probably would never be. But that was okay to her. Yewon never felt like she was missing out on anything, because none of that felt appealing to her (dating, sharing a sense of intimacy, feelings), unless it was related to Byul. There was nothing to miss, because nothing happened, and nothing will ever happen. It simply didn't make sense to experience any of that with anyone else.

"Yeah yeah... I think I do."

It was hard to miss the confusion in the younger's face, going through all those thoughts, and later the somewhat sad tone of her reaction, but the duo quickly moved on per Yewon's request, claiming she was way too excited to hear the track once more.

"To say your voice doesn't suit anything is simply a lie, but I can understand wanting to add someone else to get the vibe you were going for. So...." With a playful smirk on her lips, Yewon inched in a tad closer, as if there a secret about to be shared between the two "Who were you thinking of?"

---

'There really is no saving this now' Yewon thought as she processed the whole show she had just put on. It hadn't really dawned on her that the way she had acted was very much telling of the nature of this encounter, most fans would react this way after all, although in the end it seemed like it was Yewon's lucky day. Byul didn't seem to find that weird, neither did she seem to suspect on it, so Yewon did her best to push the subject away and the thoughts to the back of her mind. Nervously tugging at her lips, Yewon took the phone as she took a big breath. 'Thank god I brought my glasses today'.

"She said"

There was no denying it, it was written right there, right there on the tiny screen she was holding. 'Holy '.
It wasn't really that surprising to Yewon. Not that she'd ever seen Byul do anything that would give one the idea, but she just had this vibe, this aura around her. Call it a radar, but Yewon had her suspicions.
What surprised her is how open Byul was being about this. Not towards the trainee, that didn't matter at all, but with the whole world. This song was about to be shared with the whole world, and she knew just how y people were with these type of things, specially the older generations.

Her eyes scanned the screen for a bit longer, reading through the little pieces she had missed early on. There it was again, that feeling that she was prying into something she shouldn't, ears once more a reddish pink as she mouthed the lyrics while playing the song back in her head.

She handed the trainer her phone back, not really being able to make eye contact with her now. There was no embarrassment there, just worry.

"Is this... really ok?"

@✵ choi yewon⁻ᵗʳᵃᶦⁿᵉᵉ What would she prefer to be called? Visionary? The next big thing? Byul’s own silly ideas made her snort a little laugh. “Teach is fine, really. If not. Byul. Byulyi. Take your pick, really. It’s not like I’m gonna be strict on ya. Teacher alone just sounds so very very boring.” It was a hard concept to explain, since most of it was just a feeling. Byulyi had her ideas of where it had stemmed from. Authority figures in her life had never really been great role models or guides, deciding to instead spend their time nitpicking and shooting down creativity. So terms like teacher had become somewhat tainted in her mind, carrying with it the connotation of someone boring and by the books. She wanted to be pretty much anything but boring and by the books.

---

“Aiiisssssh, you make me sound like a freakin’ when you say it like that,” Byul laughed as Yewon reinstated her point, this time further underlined with emphasis and a cheeky look on her face. “Look, fair enough that it’s about… that-“ She paused to roll her eyes a bit, deciding to follow Yewon’s wording of the subject instead of stepping on someone’s toes. “-but there’s feeling to it. I wanted it to feel like this urge not just because of looks or physical appeal, but because of the closeness of the experience. There is something to being in someone’s space like that that just defies… lust. You know?”

Definitely wasn’t making her own case easier with a description like that, but it was a feeling that was hard to properly put into words. She would know it when she felt it. The instant kind of magnetizm that ended up drawing her to a person. Making her want nothing but to spend time in their space and presence, for the simple joy of just being in their presence.

Perhaps it was a pit cheesy when it came down to brass tax. Whoever the song would one day be dedicated too would hopefully see the message at the root of it all, past the layers of shock factor that could obscure it. “Hmmm… I don’t feel like I have the right voice for the chorus. But I kinda envisioned the last chorus as a duet moment. Let the voices sync together and reinforce each other.” A bit like the lyrics. One always helping out the other and visa versa.

In a way, this was how Byul could best describe her view on romance and relationships. It was the time spent together that meant the most. To admire, adore and appreciate every facet and feature of the one you chose to be with.
That was if she would be given the chance again. She sure as hell had never been able to live up to it in the past, but felt that she had learnt through working on this song how to truly reach a balance of sorts.

---

The song played over for the second time. Unlike the first time where Byulyi had paid secret attention to Yewon’s reactions to the music, she was now letting it infect her instead. Despite how many times she had heard it and even sung it herself it still had the same effect on her now as the first time. This was her magnum opus, a song made for herself and her truth without a care for the judgement of others. That Tiff had allowed her to put the song on the mini was in a way a blessing, allowing Byul to approach the world with a fresh face.

Her eyes remained closed as she nodded along to the rhythm, her fingers drumming on an invisible drum-kit, flicking through the air as if she was conducting her own song and voice as it mumbled along to the lyrics. She was feeling herself through the words of the lyrics, still trying to twist the chorus in her mind to test if the candidate she had in mind would fit the sound.

It was crescendoing up towards the end of the last chorus when the song abruptly stopped. Byul herself got half a line further before her voice halted as well, eyes opening to focus back on Yewon. The trainee’s face looked befuddled, as if she had realized something yet not fully grasped the meaning yet.

“Of course I do. Gotta have them prepped for the collab,” the coach replied in a half scoff. “You don’t think I’d toss a possible collaborator into the deep end with only the audio to go by, do you?” Her fingers were already dancing over the screen of her phone, opening sub-folder within folder in her notes app until she found the correct one. Giving it a quick scan to check that it was indeed the current up to date version, she spun the phone in her hand and held it out towards the younger.

“Now who is the one *that* into it?” she teased.

@◈ moon byulyi ᴍᴏᴏɴʙʏᴜʟ⁻ʳᵃᵖ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ Not all songs need to tell a story and not all stories need to be told. However, it was the art of properly being able to convey one's feelings through music (and one should note that by properly we mean in the way that best suits its tale teller, and not necessarily the easiest way for those who hear it to fully understand it), it was that art that truly mattered. All kinds of stories could be told through music, and with this second listen, Yewon felt like she had really dived deep into a delicate yet passionate love story, its author and main character just centimeters away from her.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Byul had a way of being that was just... 'mesmerizing', a word Yewon kept repeating over and over. It was surely Yewon's chaotic and hopeful brain working, but she couldn't exactly make out just what exactly the trainer was doing with her. To her? Whatever it was, it was confusing, and she didn't really know what to think of it. Was she flirting? No, surely it was just her way of being around others. That raised eyebrow that painted her face with a playful expression, accompanied by that smirk as her body relaxed itself in her seat, her body lines flowing just the right way as they filled the space between her chair and the table.

Although confused, Yewon had to admit she was beginning to feel a bit more comfortable, at least enough so that she managed to notice all these small details and not miss 50% of what was said her way this time. She was usually good with compliments, but when they came from *her*, Yewon didn't quite know what to say, and so she just brushed past it, thanking the trainer along the way as she tried to ignore the burning feeling in her chest that came not only from the wave of praises but also from that damn smirk that was pretty much engraved in her memory by now. There was this aura around her, a mature but also carefree one, and Yewon was drunk in it.

"What should I call you then, teach?" Two could play this game. There was no way she was going to lose her mask now, and even if that was really a question she needed to ask, the playful tone in which it came out was a small added bonus to the lightness that filled the air in the booth.

---

Although the first run through of the song was mostly muffled by her own heartbeat and never ending stream of thoughts, Yewon was extremely excited about the song. Ever since she had started writing her own pieces, her brain inadvertently over-analyzed every beat and every note she heard, painting a rough and abstract picture of all and every composition, colors flying over eachother much like a true painting on a beige canvas; blues representing the bass, yellows the guitar, green the drums, reds the vocals. All together, each one presented itself in her brain as either a beautiful portrait-like painting, where colors didn't overlap but rather intertwined to create even more complex shades, or one where the colors all mushed together to create extremely dull and boring shades of brown and grey.

And this song was the most beautiful painting she ever heard.

There really weren't any words to describe it, but right now Yewon couldn't even focus on the masterpiece that had just been presented to her, rushed thoughts and all.

She was definitely playing with her. Let it be known that Choi Yewon is no longer a child, or a teenager for that matter, and these type of topics shouldn't be and aren't really voodoo. Was she taken aback from the straightforwardness in the lyrics, such intimate and personal moments described in the utmost warm and poetic way? Definitely. But she was an adult, even if she had never experienced it for herself, it was still a topic that shouldn't feel scandalous. There were tons of other songs about it.

But still... this one was different. Because it was Byul. It wasn't just anyone singing about anything, it was Byul's words, Byul's beautiful voice. It was special.

"What I meant is..." clinging to her seat on either side of her legs as she pushed her body forward ever so slightly, Yewon looked her straight in the eyes with a playful expression. "I just didn't know you were *that* into it."

"Anyway, it really is like a masterpiece to me. Everything flows so well with every other component, the melody, the bass, but most importantly, your voice. It fits the song so so well, it's really the cherry on top of the cake. Are you singing any of the choruses?"

There was so much Yewon wanted to comment on and ask, but she'd rather leave most questions for the second listen, that way she'd be able to properly listen to it. If she didn't expect the trainer to accept showing her the sing in the first place, she definitely wasn't in any way expecting her to allow her a second listen, but there she was, pressing the space bar and allowing the painting to re-paint itself in Yewon's head.

There were so many tiny details she had missed the first time around that now created small little specks of color in the border of the canvas, addind so much more depth to the already existing colors. Half the song passed by and Yewon was already getting distracted again. Well, this time it wasn't exactly her fault, but rather that other someone who was very much blessing Yewon's ears with the must blissful and pure sound she'd ever heard. How did anyone expect her to be able to focus like this, such a soothing voice, such seductive lyrics.

A chair was kicked back.

Yewon had reached for the computer, roughly hitting the space bar and causing the song to stop to a halt, body acting faster than her brain could even process. English was one of the languages she had been forced to learn when she was younger, and the rapper's pronunciation left nothing to the imagination really, but was that really it. Did it really mean what it meant. Sitting back down in what felt like a over dramatic way, Yewon looked back to the trainer, half in shock, half in confusion, and another half in expectation. The math wasn't making sense but that's exactly how her head felt at the moment.

"...Do you have the written lyrics for this?"

Now that she thought about it, that last chorus did feel different from the other two during the first listen. The words were changed around, it was sung with a different intensity... There was no way.